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{=(roast):{random:My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.~Oh you’re talking to me I thought you only talked behind my back.~My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.~Too bad you can’t count jumping to conclusions and running your mouth as exercise.~If I wanted a bitch I would have bought a dog.~It’s a shame you can’t Photoshop your personality.~Acting like a prick doesn’t make yours any bigger, sorry
..~Calm down. Take a deep breath.
...Then hold it for about twenty minutes please, thanks.~Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon bitch!~When karma comes back to punch you in the face I want to be there in case it needs help.~Sorry, sarcasm just falls out of my mouth like bullshit falls out of yours.~Don’t mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud 🙂.~Yes I am a bitch... Just not your bitch.~I’m sorry you got offended that one time that you were treated the way you treat everyone all the time.~Whoever told you to be yourself was wrong.~If I had a face like yours I’d be a douchebag too.~Aww it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.~I’m visualizing duct tape over your mouth.~My hair straightener is hotter than you.~I’d smack you but that would be animal abuse.~If you’re going to be a smart ass, first you have to be smart, otherwise you’re just an ass.~Your face is fine but you will have to put a bag over that personality.~I’m sorry what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.~Everyone brings happiness to a room. I do when I enter... You do when you leave.~You’re like a plunger. You like to bring up old shit.~I keep thinking you can’t get any dumber and you keep proving me wrong.~I am not ignoring you. I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being. You're welcome.~You’re the reason I prefer animals to people.~Here look I wrote you a poem:
`Roses are red, your blood is too` ...actually wait we better confirm that first. Ya, know... Just in case. For science. Come here 🙂🔪.~Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.~I’m sorry that my brutal honesty inconvenienced your fragile ego.~I didn’t change. I grew up. You should try it sometime.~I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.~If you’re offended by my opinion you should hear the ones I keep to myself.~No no. I am listening. It just takes me a moment to process so much stupid information all at once.~Opinions are like assholes... Everyone's got one and no one gives a shit about yours.}}
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