quote6

{
  "id": 1597779,
  "created_at": "2022-11-19T10:56:06.000Z",
  "tag_name": "quote6",
  "nsfw": false,
  "owner_id": "267768619205656577",
  "uses": 3,
  "description": null,
  "restricted": false,
  "shared": false,
  "deleted": false,
  "safe": "unrated",
  "hidden": false,
  "guild_id": "977861072012869652",
  "sharer": "267768619205656577",
  "content": "{random:\n{1}: Dumbest scar stories, go! \n{2}: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. \n{3}: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. \n{4}: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. \n{5}: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. \n{6}: \n{6}: I have emotional scars.~\n{1}: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? \n{2}: >:O language \n{3}: Yeah watch your fucking language \n{4}: OKAY WHO TAUGHT {I} THE FUCK WORD? \n{5}: 'The fuck word'. \n{6}: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time \n{3}: Oh my god they censored it \n{5}: Say fuck, {6}. \n{3}: Do it, {6}. Say fuck.~\n{1}: Rules are made to be broken. \n{2}: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. \n{3}: Uh, piñatas. \n{4}: Glow sticks. \n{5}: Karate boards. \n{6}: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. \n{1}: Rules. \n{2}:~\n{1}: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. \n{2}: What if it bites me and it dies!? \n{3}: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, {2}, learn to listen. \n{4}: What if it bites itself and I die? \n{5}: That’s voodoo. \n{6}: What if it bites me and someone else dies? \n{2}: That’s correlation, not causation. \n{4}: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die? \n{5}: That’s kinky. \n{1}: Oh my God.~\n{1}: {2}... How do I begin to explain {2}? \n{3}: {2} is flawless. \n{4}: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000. \n{5}: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan. \n{6}: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.~\n{1}: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke. \n{2}: Okay, but what is updog? \n{3}: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish. \n{4}: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released. \n{5}: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden. \n{6}: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter. \n{1}: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs. \n{4}: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current. \n{3}: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway. \n{2}: What’s a henway?? \n{1}: Oh, about five pounds.\",  ~\n*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker* \n{1}: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. \nEveryone: \n{2}: ...I did. I broke it. \n{1}: No. No you didn't. {3}? \n{3}: Don't look at me. Look at {4}. \n{4}: What?! I didn't break it. \n{3}: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? \n{4}: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. \n{3}: Suspicious. \n{4}: No, it's not! \n{5}: If it matters, probably not, but {6} was the last one to use it. \n{6}: Liar! I don't even drink that crap! \n{5}: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? \n{6}: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, {5}! \n{2}: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, {1}. \n{1}: No! Who broke it!? \nEveryone: \n{5}: {1}... {3}'s been awfully quiet. \n{3}: rEALLY?! \n*Everyone starts arguing* \n{1}, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. \n{1}: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. \n{1}: \n{1}: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.~\n{1}: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world! \n{2}: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment. \n{3}: More or less, I guess... \n{4}: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that! \n{5}: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept. \n{6}: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!~\n'Can I copy the homework?' \n{1}: I can help you with it! \n{2}: Yeah, sure. \n{3}: Bold of you to assume I did the homework. \n{4}: lol nope. \n{5}: Wait, we had homework?!?!?! \n{6}: *Read 5:55pm*~\n{1}, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here. \n{2}: Hey. \n{3}: Hi. \n{4}: Hello. \n{5}: Hey! \n{1}: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! \n{6}: We were out of Doritos.~\n{1}: Hewwo. \n{2}: Hihiiiiii! \n{3}: Greetings, Humans. \n{5}: Three kinds of people. \n{4}: I want pudding. \n{1}: Four kinds of people. \n{6}: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS? \n{5}: Five kinds of people.~\n*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’* \n{1}: Thanks fam! \n{2}: oh no \n{3}: *cries* I love you too \n{4}: Sounds fake but okay \n{5}: *A flustered mess* \n{6}: can i get a refund~\n{1}: Croissants: dropped \n{2}: Road: works ahead \n{3}: BBQ sauce: on my titties \n{4}: Shavacado: fre \n{5}: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead \n{6}: \n{6}, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.~\n{1}: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat* \n{2}: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents \n{1}: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you \n{3}: Actually I did the math, {2} would have $225, not $0.15. \n{2}: Fam I’m right here.... \n{4}: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :) \n{1}: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please? \n{4}: Sorry I only have a dollar \n{1}: :( \n{3}: Hey I just realized my friend is right, {2} would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent \n{4}: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice \n{3}: You can buy anything you want with $22,500 \n{5}: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice \n{3}: Apply juice to what \n{6}: Directly to the forehead \n{2}: Great chat everyone~\n{1}: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?\n{2}: Nope, absolutely not.\n{3}: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.\n{4}: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.\n{5}: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.\n{6}: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.~\n{1}: I CAN'T DO IT!\n{2}, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!\n{1}: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE\n{3}: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.\n{1}:\n{1}: I appreciate it,\n{1}: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-\n{4}: {1}-\n{1}: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!\n{5}: {1} we gotta-\n{1}: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.\n{1}: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'\n{1}, motioning to {6}: ***NOT FUCKING THIS***~\n{1}: Just be yourself.\n{2}: 'Be myself'? {1}, I have one day to win {3} over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?\n{4}: Couple weeks.\n{5}: Six months.\n{6}: Jury’s still out.\n{2}: See, {1}?\n{2}: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?~\n*The squad is over at {1}'s house*\n{2}: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?\n{1}: ... N-No...\n{1}, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???\n{2}, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!\n{3}: I see a-\n{1}, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.\n{2}: Oh, well I-\n{1}: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*\n{1}, amazed: Its got a bake setting!\n{4}: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!\n{5}: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?\n{1}: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!\n{1}: I am someone who owns four ovens...\n{1}, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...\n{1}: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...\n{6}, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!\n{1}:\n{2}: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!\n{1}:\n{1}, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS ***FIVE OVENS***~\n*The squad right before {1}'s wedding*\n{2}: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.\n{3}: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!\n{4}: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well\n{5}: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND\n{6}, panicked: ***I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE***~\n{1}: Time for plan G.\n{2}: Don’t you mean plan B?\n{1}: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.\n{3}: What about plan D?\n{1}: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.\n{4}: What about plan E?\n{1}: I’m hoping not to use it. {5} dies in plan E.\n{6}: I like plan E.~\n{1}: We need to distract these guys\n{2}: Leave it to me\n{2}: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.\n{3}, {4}, and {5}: *Immediately begin arguing*\n{6}, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.~\n}",
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  "last_fetched": "2026-10-20T19:04:32.395Z"
}