dadjoke

{
  "id": 118977,
  "created_at": "2020-02-12T07:34:10.000Z",
  "tag_name": "dadjoke",
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  "owner_id": "439701628438839306",
  "uses": 8,
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  "shared": false,
  "deleted": false,
  "safe": "unrated",
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  "guild_id": "532165096206761986",
  "sharer": "439701628438839306",
  "content": "{=(joke1):Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!}\n{=(joke2):What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.}\n{=(joke3):What’s brown and sticky? A stick.}\n{=(joke4):Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.}\n{=(joke5):How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.}\n{=(joke6):Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.}\n{=(joke7):What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.}\n{=(joke8):What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest.}\n{=(joke9):What do you call it when a group of apes start a company? Monkey business.}\n{=(joke10):My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said maybe –}\n{=(joke11):What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.}\n{=(joke12):What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween? Baaad to the bone.}\n{=(joke13):Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.}\n{=(joke14):What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.}\n{=(joke15):What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.}\n{=(joke16):My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.}\n{=(joke17):Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.}\n{=(joke18):Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.}\n{=(joke19):What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off? A song bird.}\n{=(joke20):What’s the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.}\n{=(joke21):Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.}\n{=(joke22):How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.}\n{=(joke23):My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.}\n{=(joke24):Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.}\n{=(joke25):When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.}\n{=(joke26):Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.}\n{=(joke27):Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.}\n{=(joke28):What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.}\n{=(joke29):What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.}\n{=(joke30):Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.}\n{=(joke31):I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.}\n{=(joke32):I want to make a brief joke, but it’s a little cheesy.}\n{=(joke33):Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.}\n{=(joke34):How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.}\n{=(joke35):Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.}\n{=(joke36):5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.}\n{=(joke37):Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!}\n{=(joke38):You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.}\n{=(joke39):I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.}\n{=(joke40):Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.}\n{=(joke41):What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.}\n{=(joke42):It takes guts to be an organ donor.}\n{=(joke43):What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet.}\n{=(joke44):I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.}\n{=(joke45):How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.}\n{=(joke46):Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.}\n{=(joke47):Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.}\n{=(joke48):What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.}\n{=(joke49):How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.}\n{=(joke50):What kind of music do chiropractor’s like? Hip pop.}\n{=(joke51):To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!}\n{=(joke52):I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad!}\n{=(joke53):How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.}\n{=(joke54):What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password? 1forest1.}\n{=(joke55):What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.}\n{=(joke56):What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.}\n{=(joke57):Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He's fully recovered.}\n{=(joke58):Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.}\n{=(joke59):What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A deviled egg.}\n{=(joke60):Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.}\n{=(joke61):Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle.}\n{=(joke62):What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.}\n{=(joke63):What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.}\n{=(joke64):Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.}\n{=(joke65):How do you organize a space party? You planet.}\n{=(joke66):Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It's pasteurized before you even see it.}\n{=(joke67):Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.}\n{=(joke68):What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.}\n{=(joke69):What does a baby computer call his father? Data.}\n{=(joke70):Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord? He thought he could socket to him.}\n{=(joke71):Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.}\n{=(joke72):Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted.}\n{=(joke73):How do moths swim? Using the butterfly stroke.}\n{=(joke74):How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10 tickles.}\n{=(joke75):Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border? Me neither, I couldn't follow it.}\n{=(joke76):I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.}\n{=(joke77):How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!}\n{=(joke78):What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!}\n{=(joke79):What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.}\n{=(joke80):Where do baby cats learn to swim? The kitty pool.}\n{=(joke81):Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.}\n{=(joke82):How can a leopard change his spots? By moving.}\n{=(joke83):What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!}\n{=(joke84):What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!}\n{=(joke87):Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!}\n{=(joke88):What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!}\n{=(joke89):Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!}\n{=(joke90):Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!}\n{=(joke91):What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!}\n{=(joke92):Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!}\n{=(joke93):What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.}\n{=(joke94):What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!}\n{=(joke95):How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!}\n{=(joke96):Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!}\n{=(joke97):Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?  They say he made a mint!}\n{=(joke98):Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it!}\n{=(joke99):How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!}\n{=(joke100):Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!}\n{=(joke101):Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with!}\n{=(joke102):What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!}\n{=(joke103):Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it!}\n{=(joke104):Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it!}\n{=(joke105):I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!}\n{=(joke106):To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!}\n{=(joke107):I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole destroying!}\n{=(joke108):My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home!}\n{=(joke109):I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!}\n{=(joke110):Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!}\n{=(joke111):I thought about going on an all-almond diet… But that's just nuts!}\n{=(joke112):This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there!}\n{=(joke113):My friend says to me, \"What rhymes with orange?\"And I told him, \"No it doesn't!\"}\n{=(joke114):My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down!}\n{=(joke115):I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!}\n{=(joke116):I tell dad jokes but I have no kids…I'm a faux pa!}\n{=(joke117):So a vowel saves another vowel's life. The other vowel says, \"Aye E! I owe you!\"}\n{=(joke118):Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!}\n{=(joke119):My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex. They're his watch dogs!}\n{=(joke120):If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?!}\n{=(joke121):I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It's a little fishy!}\n{=(joke122):Five out of four people admit they're bad with fractions!}\n{=(joke123):Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, \"Do you know how to drive this thing?\"}\n{=(joke124):I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad!}\n{=(joke125):Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!}\n{=(joke126):When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him, \"No, I'd rather drink it out of the carton!\"}\n{=(joke127):The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this!}\n{=(joke128):What's ET short for? Because he's only got tiny legs!}\n{=(joke129):I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks!}\n{=(joke130):What's brown and sticky? A stick!}\n{=(joke131):Can February March? No, but April May!}\n{=(joke132):What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!}\n{=(joke133):I invented a new word today: Plagiarism!}\n{=(joke134):What do you call a donkey with only three legs? A wonkey!}\n{=(joke135):After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!}\n{=(joke136):How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put some boogie in it!}\n{=(joke137):Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands!}\n{=(joke138):What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!}\n{=(joke139):This morning, Siri said, \"Don't call me Shirley.\" I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode!}\n{=(joke140):A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, \"First offender?\" She says, \"No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!\"}\n{=(joke141):I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work!}\n{=(joke142):What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto!}\n{=(joke143):What do Santa's elves listen to ask they work? Wrap music!}\n{=(joke144):What rhymes with boo and stinks? You!}\n{=(joke145):If an English teacher is convicted of a crime and doesn't complete the sentence, is that a fragment?}\n{=(joke146):I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns!}\n{=(joke147):Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks? Minnesota!}\n{=(joke148):I got a hen to regularly count her own eggs. She's a real mathamachicken!}\n{=(joke149):What did the Ranch say when someone opened the refrigerator door? \"Close the door, I'm dressing!\"}\n{=(joke150):Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? They just seem a little shady!}\n{=(joke151):What did the policeman say to his belly button? You're under a vest!}\n{=(joke152):Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.}\n{=(joke153):A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!}\n{=(joke154):What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!}\n{=(joke155):I've been bored recently so I've decided to take up fencing. The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.}\n{=(joke156):Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!}\n{=(joke157):I don't really call for funerals that start before noon. I guess I'm just not a mourning person!}\n{=(joke158):If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef?}\n{=(joke159):One of my favorite memories as a kid was when my brothers used to put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears!}\n{=(joke160):What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.}\n\n{=(rithm):{range:100000-999999}}\n{=(calcedno):{cycle({rithm}):1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52,53,54,55,56,57,58,59,60,61,62,63,64,65,66,67,68,69,70,71,72,73,74,75,76,77,78,79,80,81,82,83,84,85,86,87,88,89,90,91,92,93,94,95,96,97,98,99,100,101,102,103,104,105,106,107,108,109,110,111,112,113,114,115,116,117,118,119,120,121,122,123,124,125,126,127,128,129,130,131,132,133,134,135,136,137,138,139,140,141,142,143,144,145,146,147,148,149,150,151,152,153,154,155,156,157,158,159,160}}\n{=(luckyno):{replace(, ):{rithm}}}\n{=(randomdad):{cycle({rithm}):👨,:man_curly_haired:,:man_bald:,:blond_haired_man:,:man_white_haired:,:man_red_haired:}}\n\n{embed(color):#{rithm}}",
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